I am choosing not to let it hurt my feelings that of the thousands (…) of readers I must have who just aren’t admitting it out loud (smart. Always look busy), not a single one noticed that I broke my streak yesterday and did not post. Sigh. Here I had myself convinced that because there was that one day a couple of weeks ago when 250 views showed up, that I must have hit the big time and would become the next Julie, like in Julie and Julia (though hopefully nicer. Did anyone else think Julia Child was completely right in chewing her out at the end of the movie? Team Husband all the way). But no.
Since absolutely no one is wondering, I am going to tell you anyway. Yesterday, my hairdresser (who is splendid, who always has my back with my weird hair impulses, whom I love) fit me into a cancellation and the Beloved worked it out so that I could make the 3.5 hour hop across the state to completely change my hair, all by myself.
I shall now pause while you process that information. Yes. I drive hours to get my hair done. If I was smart enough to know how to stick a picture up here, I would show you why (Superior Nephew accepts fan mail, incidentally, and he would be the one to get the job done). I have a long and fascinating history of radically changing my hair. Early on in this blog, I ranted with tremendous insensitivity (please don’t confuse this with penitence. I am right on this) about why every blog author appears to have identical, super boring hair. It is part of why I was long convinced that I should never blog — the hair alone would depress the heck out of me.
In truth, it has been a rather stressful month. That is often the way, isn’t it? When God brings big changes, when He pushes us out of one season that we were reasonably certain we knew what to do with and He pulls us into strange territory, our vision can get hazy around the edges, our breathing can get a little shallow. We become like kids in the back seat when Daddy drives through a tunnel and we are trying to hold our breath until daylight hits our faces again.
We are reading Genesis right now in the Bible Reading Challenge (no clue what I am referring to? Check out https://biblereading.christkirk.com/ and then join me) and the other day, reading of the absolutely bizarre struggle between Rachel and Leah to gain the upper hand in their marriages to Jacob, to earn the status of best loved (side note: we truly can take any good gift and turn it into a curse, can’t we?). It is Leah’s progression that hit me hardest this time. With each pregnancy, she states in the naming of the child what her heart’s desire was — now my husband will love me. Look, I have borne him more sons! His heart will attach to me! And finally, with the birth of Judah:
“Now I will praise the Lord.”
We do absolutely foolish things when we don’t trust God with the outcome, when He is not our ultimate satisfaction. Now, maybe we don’t send concubines in to sleep with our husbands so that we can have more children than our sisterwife, but let’s be honest — it’s probably just because we didn’t think of it. As I think over the last month, I see how much of my angst, my weariness, can be traced back to my desperation to see the thing resolved, to know how all the loose ends are going to finally tie themselves up and whats more, hey Lord, I have a fantabulous plan for how we could do that. Like, now. Today would be good. Yesterday would be even better.
But God is not slow… He is sudden. And as He walked me through the difficult times of the last month, the peace was overwhelming and there is nothing better than trusting God. Yet the stress has taken a physical toll (my chronic pain doesn’t play well with others, especially if that other’s name starts with B and ends with Arb) and when I had the opportunity to have a long, quiet drive and then a fantastic, radically gorgeous hairdo, I leaped at the chance.
Fresh hair is cathartic. When everything is entirely outside human control, I think changing my hair makes me feel like a participant in the fight rather than a windblown leaf skittering down the road. I see so many people who manage to maintain the same hairstyle for years! How do they do that?? I can only think of two possible reasons…
a) They don’t have out of control trials.
b) They have taken up day drinking instead.
There could be other options, but I simply can’t see them at the moment.
So there you have it. No post, fresh hair, and a reminder to trust God and be the only one to sleep with your husband. Pretty good week, I’d say.