Noses Are Not Steak

Quite a few years back, my grandmother read a book about eating for your blood type that I think was a bit popular in weight loss circles at the time, though I don’t believe that was why she read it. Whether it is true or not that certain blood types thrive on particular diets, it was definitely interesting. Reading a book like that is like buying a minivan: once you own one, you start seeing them everywhere, and similarly, once the idea presented itself, you couldn’t help but to stare at people’s plates and ask them their blood type, like some twisted vampire version of a pick up line.

And this is when I first started observing that I am a much happier little ducky if red meat shows up in my world with decent regularity. After my recent foray into Unprincipled Vegetarianism (feeling lost? Back to the archives with you! My husband, being generally nicer than I am, suggested that when I drop insider information like this, that I should actually tell you the name of the blog post where it first appeared. Unfortunately, that implies a) that I know that and b) that there is any possible excuse for you not reading every jot and tittle that has poured forth from my fingers, and I am uncomfortable acknowledging such blasphemy), a significant portion of my weekly grocery budget was invested in a large ribeye, which I consumed while it was still kissing cousins with raw and my goodness, I felt better! Now, is that because my blood type is O? Very hard to say. But this is a thing I have come to accept about myself and I attempt to plan accordingly.

I was thinking about this while I was making breakfast yesterday. In the mornings, I like to have background noise while I go about my chores and I have gotten into the habit of turning to country music on the radio (again, if you are lost and have no idea what that is, a) you might be a millennial and b) you didn’t believe me when I told you to go back to the archives, did you? Knowledge awaits you, my friend), in particular, the Bobby Bones Show. He was reading a story out of Arkansas about an incident at a football game. Well… technically, an incident in the parking lot after the football game.

You are tensing, bracing for a predictable narrative about controlling our tempers, right? You underestimate me. And at the risk of sounding redundant, have you learned absolutely nothing from the (wait for it…) ARCHIVES?

Arkansas, with their home team advantage, won the game, but apparently they did so because the other team forgot how to play football, not because they played well, so the fans on both sides were disgruntled after the game. Have you ever heard of a Beyond Burger? It is an unnatural creation, a “plant burger”, the sort of thing people eat when they want to pretend to have Type O blood types but are afraid of red meat (if you would like to give me another reason for eating a plant burger, please post it in the comments. Be forewarned: my self control when it comes to mocking things has fairly flexible boundaries). Well, as the story goes, the CEO of Beyond Burger was attending this football game, and was in the gridlock traffic of the parking lot after the game when a Subaru bumped tires with him and his veggie-laden self snapped. He got out of his car, punched through the Subaru’s back window, and proceeded to haul the driver out of the car and they had a bit of a scuffle. And then —

Veggie boy bit Subaru man’s nose.

He is being charged with all sorts of things, domestic terrorism being one of them I believe, but it got me thinking…

There really is no good replacement for meat and if you spend your life eating fake meat, eventually you are going to snap and go for the nearest chunk of meat you can find, even if it happens to be the tip of a football fan’s nose.

Now, we can snort about this (unless you are the guy who just got bitten… he probably won’t be snorting for a bit…), but isn’t this exactly what we do when we neglect our study of the Word of God? Your soul needs meat. If you neglect a steady diet of real, spiritual red meat, you will go looking for meat elsewhere — even if it is the spiritual equivalent of a nose.

Sorry, the archives aren’t going to help you with this one. Stick with me.

Think through the places you gravitate towards when your soul is hungry: do you look for your spouse to fill up all that is lacking? Do you need friends to feed you platitudes, or just attention to take the edge off the hunger of your heart? Do you find yourself actually thinking you are getting solid food by scrolling the catch phrases and inspirational posts on Instagram, Facebook, or the sign outside of the espresso stand? Can you see that if you are constantly feeding yourself on the Word of God, you will not be ravenously searching for some word, some human attention to help you to keep your head above water? Starving people make bad food choices. Starving souls choose empty spiritual calories. Resist the temptation to think that because you took a Bible class back in college, that you are sated today. Your body needs daily food, all throughout the day. Your soul needs nothing less.

One more thing to note about this bizarre nose-biting incident. Veggie boy, in his every day life, when nothing is bumping into him and there is no crushing disappointment weighing on him, would probably never contemplate biting another man’s nose. He did not feed himself to prepare for bumps and disappointments. Are you? When your life gets bumped, and when you are weighed down by disappointment and discouragement, do you have the stores of meat in your system to not be drawn away and enticed by a nose? If you are daily consuming hearty quantities of the Word, you will not be drawn away by a Beth Moore study, by a gentle parenting blog, or by Joel Osteen — or any other nose parading itself about as meat.

To the Word and to the testimony! (Isaiah 8:20)